:: By Andrew Moore
A talk I’ve been dreading.
- there are people amongst us who feel like real failures.
I feel like a failure!.
- and there are people amongst us who are divorced.
And so this is hard.
And I want to say, if it is hard… please talk to someone about it. Talk to me… I would like that.
( Or Hsiang, … or Gordon or Lay Lee)
Talking about marriage and divorce is like opening a can of worms,… and I keep getting told people like short sermons… so… I can’t possibly cover everything.
Let’s pray that I explain God’s Word clearly.
(pause)
By the way…. This is mostly about marriage. And there are people here who aren’t married.
I hope you will see from this how important marriage is, and remind your brothers and sisters who are married to keep working at it.
And you never know, you may get married, so it’ll be useful for future reference.
(pause)
• In chapter 10 verse 1, Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem.
Jerusalem is of course where he will die.
In chapter 8, verses 31-32, Jesus has said that the Christ MUST suffer and be rejected by the chief priests and the scribes and be killed.
In chapter 9 verse 31, Jesus repeats this prophesy. He says… read v 31-32.
And so Jesus is on a deliberate journey from Galilee to Jerusalem, that will involve him dying for the sins of the world.
• John the Baptist has been murdered.
Do you remember the reason why John was put in jail? ->
(Mark 6:17- 18)
(pause)
In chapter 9, verse 33, Jesus is in Capernaum.
By chapter 10, verse 1…he has moved southwards closer to Jerusalem.
At some point he went “beyond the Jordan”, across the river, into the region of Perea, which is within the borders of Herod Antipas’ jurisdiction.
He is in the area where John was captured and killed.
(map- PPT)
And the Pharisees come to him.
- these guys are clever- they are lawyers- and so experts in finding a way around the law . – and they come in order to test Jesus.
Read verse 2b.
Now remember the context.
John the Baptist has been beheaded for saying ‘that it’s not lawful that Herod have his brother’s wife’
And so for Jesus, this is a minefield. An ambush.
… for more than likely, it may lead to his arrest.
(pause)
Jesus answers them with a question.
Read vv 3.
Here Jesus sets the reference point for his answer to come.
Moses was considered the author of the “Law“… the first 5 books of the Bible, which is the Law of God.
“What does God say?”, is in effect what Jesus is saying.(pause)
Well what do they say…
-> verse 4 (read).Their understanding of the law of God, which seems to be reference to Deuteronomy chapter 24… IS… that…
It is lawful for a man to divorce his wife.
- that’s their conclusion.
(pause)
Now we need to check this don’t we?
If we go back and have a look at Deuteronomy 24, this is what we read ->
Let’s have a look
(Deut 24:1-4 on power point)
Are they right? Is that what Deuteronomy 24 says?
What’s it saying?
-the issue is … whether a man who has divorced his wife,.. if she again remarries, can he again remarry her.
That’s the issue isn’t it…. And God says “no”.
- by the way, the word for “defiled” in verse 4, is the same word used of ‘adultery’ in a similar context, in Leviticus 18:20- PPT.
It seems to be saying that what she has done is equivalent to adultery, by living with another man. She should not have done that!…
And this is the reason, why her first husband must not re-marry her.
(pause)
A couple of things about this passage-
- the certificate of divorce was probably originally given to the woman to protect her. That’s probably what its purpose was.
So that the man who divorced her could take no further action against her.
But she has abused it.
Just because she has a piece of paper with “divorce” on it, which is meant to protect her, it doesn’t mean she has the licence to go and marry and remarry and marry and remarry…. For that is what she has done,…
“… it has become in her eyes, and could possible become in his eyes,…a way to legalize adultery”.
And so…. “the former husband must not re-marry her”.
Do you get it?
(pause)
- And so,….. if anything, this ancient law of God form the Old Testament, tightens up rather than loosens any existing practice of divorce.
-> It definitely doesn’t institute divorce, it doesn’t make it acceptableAll you can say that this passage does is acknowledge that divorce does happen!
That’s the most you can say.
Jesus adds to this. He gives the background to Deuteronomy 24, in chapter 10 verse 5… (read v 5)
It was because of sin.
Because of the messed up world we live in, and the sin that resides within us,…
See one thing about Deuteronomy 24, is that it presupposes that divorce happens.
It doesn’t say it’s okay… but it assumes that it happens.
And what God does is make provisions for it.
It says….
How can we protect and minimize further harm… and so there were these ‘ceritificates of divorce’.
To protect the woman who had been divorced from her husband, for in such a society, without a husband, she had very little protection.
One of the things that sets Judaism apart from other ancient cultures, is the care and protection of women.
There was a sect within Judaism, known has Hillel, who said that a man could divorce his wife if he found something unpleasant in her, which included incompatibility.
They had twisted and distorted God’s Word…. that is not what it is saying…
(pause)
I wonder if Jesus was hoping, (although I’m sure he knew their hearts and knew otherwise), but maybe he hopes, that they would choose another text from the Law.
They chose Deuteronomy 24.
It really does show the sinful twisted hearts of the religious teachers who would take Jesus to the cross.
See if you want to understand God’s law, God’s mind on marriage and divorce…you wouldn’t go to Deuteronomy 24 verse 1.
You would go to the beginning!….to Genesis 1 and 2.
That is the creation blueprint. The charter for mankind living rightly, in right relationship with God and right relationship with each other.
You don’t try to work out what is right from concessions and exceptions. You to the gold standard.
-> That’s where we really need to go to get set our compass and set our bearings.And so Jesus does… read v 6-9.
Recognize it? Heard it before somewhere…this is what’s read in the marriage ceremony.
And then verse 10 (read)
The bottom line is-
If we’re husband and wife… God wants you to stay husband and wife.
Notice the steps… – leave mother and father.
(which means that there is a new loyalty, a new commitment. When you marry, you start a new family unit… you don’t increase the size of the existing family.
In practice, it usually means that you live under a separate roof, although not always.
It does means though that you will listen to each other and talk through decisions together,… and not be running off to mum and dad to see if they agree all the time. )
The second step is to… – hold fast.
(or cling to one another.)
And third step… or goal of marriage… is to … – become one flesh.
(that’s the goal of marriage- one self. It’s sexual, as well as in mind and purpose …
Not 2 separated individuals off doing their own thing… but 2 individuals, with all their differences, complimenting each other, so that together they are united as one.)
And we need to hear that don’t we?
- Cos married life is tough.
It’s hard work.
If you want an easy, stress-free, ‘do it my way’ life,… don’t get married. Don’t have children.
(marriage is wonderful… it’s the high point of the creation story…. But it’s not easy)
Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce, and that’s not because they don’t try. They do try, and they try really hard… but it becomes all too much for them .
- and divorce has become easier and easier. – The no-fault divorce laws that came in, in 1975 and make divorce very simple.
Barry Maley is senior fellow at The Centre for Independent Studies and author of Divorce Law and the Future of Marriage, says: “The present situation encourages precipitate, ill-considered separation and casualises divorce rather than treating it as the deeply serious issue it is.”
And so we need this reminder.
Our reference point is God,.. not the Family Law Act.
And God wants us to stay together.
He wants us to be happy together as well!
(pause)
What should we do then?
If this is God’s will for us…what can we do to help our marriages?
(5 points)
(pause)
- Firstly, realize that whoever we’re married to, that it’s God’s will. GOD has joined you together.
And we may feel at times… the man, or woman we’ve married isn’t right man or woman God has determined for us. That it is all a big mistake”
And God says, “no, I want you to stay together”
- Secondly, I was taught to never mention the word divorce in an argument.
I believe that it’s very damaging… and it could be the first step along that treacherous road.
Block it out of your vocabulary.
Don’t think of it as an option… and so don’t use the word in an argument.
- Thirdly, I’ve told you a word and now I want you to block it out.
Replace it with another word “sorry”. “I’m sorry”.
We forgive those who sin against us, as we are forgiven by Jesus for sinning against him.
But,… (and this is for the guys)… when you say “sorry”, that is not the end of the argument…. When you say sorry, it is giving permission to talk.
- Fourthly, if there is violence- either towards each other, or property… you really need extra help.
I knew of a man who was so frustrated that he took to cutting up his whole wardrobe of clothes.
Don’t pretend there isn’t a problem.
Don’t be proud.
You know why people get divorced… cos they leave it too late to get help.
Hsiang and I had marriage counseling… and it’s no big deal!
- Finally,
Work at building our marriage.
Not at maintaining it, but strengthening and growing it.
And I think that includes everything from romantic retreats and candlelit dinners, to praying and the Bible together.
(pause)
What happens though, if you do separate?.
If the marriage breaks down.
1 Corinthians 7…verse 10
Paul says there…that you should remain unmarried. As long as there is an opportunity for reconciliation… you mustn’t remarry.
If your wife ended up remarrying,… that is different… she has left you.
And you are not bound….
But as long as there is an opportunity for restoring that relationship… you must try to do that… that is what it means to obey God.
The aim should always be to reconcile.
And reconciliation is only impossible if that marriage bond is broken… such as in adultery.
That’s how important God regards the marriage covenant.
(pause)
In conclusion though…
Divorce will happen. – and maybe this is the way Mark would have us think of it… Jesus says, there is only one unforgivable sin. Mark 3- blasphemy against the Holy Spirit- the continued rejection of Jesus.
(read)
King Herod could be forgiven of his adultery.
It doesn’t make it right… forgiveness is not condoning..
If you trust in Jesus all our sins are forgiven.
We are made right with God, for that is why Jesus will go to the cross, … to take upon himself our sin.
And so that we might live his way.
Amen.